Wednesday, 11 August 2010

My battle with the mirror

I have often wondered if I am beautiful enough to wear lolita. Yesterday I spent a large amount of time reading some very horrible comments by so-called lolitas (is being a total bitch really fitting for lolita?) and it made me think about my own personal struggle.

I have a husband who loves me and when he tells me I am beautiful I believe him. But it has taken me a while to accept that anybody could ever possibly love somebody like me. When other people say I am pretty there is always this little pang in my heart because I just can't believe them.

When I was younger I was constantly being told that I was ugly. I am not kidding when I say I got told this every single day at some points. The thing is, even the most self-confident of people would struggle in this situation. If you have it drummed in to you that you are ugly every single day then eventually some of it is going to sink in. So I came to the conclusion that I was ugly but I was not really bothered about it. I didn't feel anything for the people who were calling me ugly and so it did not matter. Deep down I knew this was just an opinion and that one day I would find somebody who felt differently. When I left primary school I vowed that I would never go back or keep in touch with anybody because I did not need that negativity in my life.

And so I was happy. Throughout secondary school I had interest from boys here and there. My confidence grew and when I was 16, I met my husband. Great.

But then along came lolita. As much as I love lolita fashion I have to admit that lolita can be very ugly sometimes. There are some vile communities dedicated to bitching about poor lolitas. Some of these lolitas probably don't even realise what people are saying behind their backs. What exactly makes these lolitas so superior? Is it that they can fit into the smallest brand size? Is it that their wardrobes are stuffed full of brand instead of Bodyline? Or is it that these bullies are secretly insecure or have gotten caught up in the lolita hate going on?

Why are us lolitas ripping into each other? We are an alternative fashion- shouldn't we be rebelling against the unrealistic standards of mainstream fashion? Maybe these horrible girls are naturally skinny but others starves themselves and develop eating disorders. And I don't care what any brand lover says, non-brand IS lolita if it still fits the main ideals of a lolita outfit. Owning Angelic Pretty does not make you any better than somebody who chooses to buy cheaper clothes because they can't afford them. In fact there are lolitas out there who can afford brand but choose not to. And it is no good saying "Get a job!" because in case you haven't noticed the economy is still recovering and some of us (me included) feel unable to work because of poor health.

In my opinion you have to be beautiful on the inside before you can be beautiful on the outside. What is the point in bitching about other lolitas when everybody is avoiding you because of your nasty comments? Step back, take a look at yourself and think about the consequences of your actions. Nobody likes an elitist lolita.


  1. I am sorry to hear about being called ugle. I really agree that lolita is mostly bitchy! gtfof_egl, nanachan? (of 4chan?), and loli_secrets are communities we really shouldn't have!
    We indeed should support eachother instead of bitching!

  2. All the bitching dug up some painful memories which I thought I had gotten over but now I realise it still affects me. I think that if a lolita is being bitched about we need to rise above it, ignore the comments (because if you respond you are giving them exactly what they want) and make friends with lolitas who know how to respect others.

  3. True!

    Psst, you really can't reply on comments, best to go to their blog profil and see if they own a blog and comment there.
    Blogger does not no any reply function >.>

  4. I definitely feel your pain on this one. I've even had experience with therapists on the matter - when people say such negative things to you repeatedly at such a young age, it changes your 'core beliefs' about yourself. And these beliefs are almost impossible to doesn't matter how many times people tell you otherwise, it just sort of...bounces off.

    I spent years at highschool being told that I'm fat and ugly, and i've struggled with eating disorders ever since. Lolita is exacerbating it a bit because I feel I'm still too big for the fashion as I'm usually a few inches too big to fit into the standard sizes. And I am terrified of what other lolitas will think of me because of that =\

    All that aside, i definitely agree with your last paragraph on this post. Though I think bitchiness can be more or less expected from a community made up almost entirely of young women >.>

  5. Oh no, I am sorry to hear about that Disenchanted Angel :( When it comes to lolita I think a lot of western lolitas have the same problems. Asian girls are just naturally more skinny. It is just in their genes. I think every girl has a size they feel the most comfortable at and the most important thing is to be healthy. And happy.

    There will always be some who call "plus-size" loli girls too fat but I think most lolitas are quite friendly. Lots of lolitas are very understanding because they have the same issues.

    It does feel like lolita brings out a lot of our insecurities. It is a shame to see so many beautiful girls worry so much.

  6. We don't need the negativity a few misguided people on the scene as few of us have the kind of money to spend on topline outfits after paying for everything else that's really essential.
    As for bullying in childhood, I had that too - hey I'm admitting it to ya all - and it's agree it can leave you with very poor self image some down to appearance and others connect with my physical disabilities.
    Remember peoples, our inner beauty really counts so let's rise above the other stuff and share it.

  7. Hi Luna Rain

    I feel your pain too, I am not a Lolita but I love the dresses and what make it very princess-like. I never understand why people think they are more superior than others or whatever reasons, it is not very nice to be a b*tch and B*tch slapped anyone.

    Everyone is beautiful in their own way and life is much lovely when everyone cares and don't be an idiot to think they are far better then anyone.

    Love from Singapore.


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