My battle with the mirror

I have often wondered if I am beautiful enough to wear lolita. Yesterday I spent a large amount of time reading some very horrible comments by so-called lolitas (is being a total bitch really fitting for lolita?) and it made me think about my own personal struggle.

I have a husband who loves me and when he tells me I am beautiful I believe him. But it has taken me a while to accept that anybody could ever possibly love somebody like me. When other people say I am pretty there is always this little pang in my heart because I just can't believe them.

When I was younger I was constantly being told that I was ugly. I am not kidding when I say I got told this every single day at some points. The thing is, even the most self-confident of people would struggle in this situation. If you have it drummed in to you that you are ugly every single day then eventually some of it is going to sink in. So I came to the conclusion that I was ugly but I was not really bothered about it. I didn't feel anything for the people who were calling me ugly and so it did not matter. Deep down I knew this was just an opinion and that one day I would find somebody who felt differently. When I left primary school I vowed that I would never go back or keep in touch with anybody because I did not need that negativity in my life.

And so I was happy. Throughout secondary school I had interest from boys here and there. My confidence grew and when I was 16, I met my husband. Great.

But then along came lolita. As much as I love lolita fashion I have to admit that lolita can be very ugly sometimes. There are some vile communities dedicated to bitching about poor lolitas. Some of these lolitas probably don't even realise what people are saying behind their backs. What exactly makes these lolitas so superior? Is it that they can fit into the smallest brand size? Is it that their wardrobes are stuffed full of brand instead of Bodyline? Or is it that these bullies are secretly insecure or have gotten caught up in the lolita hate going on?

Why are us lolitas ripping into each other? We are an alternative fashion- shouldn't we be rebelling against the unrealistic standards of mainstream fashion? Maybe these horrible girls are naturally skinny but others starves themselves and develop eating disorders. And I don't care what any brand lover says, non-brand IS lolita if it still fits the main ideals of a lolita outfit. Owning Angelic Pretty does not make you any better than somebody who chooses to buy cheaper clothes because they can't afford them. In fact there are lolitas out there who can afford brand but choose not to. And it is no good saying "Get a job!" because in case you haven't noticed the economy is still recovering and some of us (me included) feel unable to work because of poor health.

In my opinion you have to be beautiful on the inside before you can be beautiful on the outside. What is the point in bitching about other lolitas when everybody is avoiding you because of your nasty comments? Step back, take a look at yourself and think about the consequences of your actions. Nobody likes an elitist lolita.