Wednesday, 16 February 2011

When safety gets compromised

Whenever I wear Lolita I experience both positive and negative reactions to the fashion. Whilst I am secretly thrilled when people want to take my photo and when I get compliments, I am fully aware that at some point I will come across people who dislike what I do.

I think Western lolitas have a much harder time than Japanese lolitas. Whilst Japanese lolitas will also get criticised, the Lolita fashion is more widely known. In the Western world most people would be able to identify a goth or emo but probably not a Lolita. Sadly we live in a world where we lash out at the unfamiliar. As a result, I have come across people who will attack me simply because I don’t blend in with the crowd.

And yet I still wear the frilly dresses I crave so much.

An example of one of these occasions was when I was taking photographs in a park. My friend was taking photos of me whilst my other friends watched on. What they didn’t see was there was a little kid running up to me behind them. The mother looked absolutely horrified and dragged the child away as quickly as she could. I continued to smile for the camera, whilst my friends remained oblivious to the woman behind them. I overheard somebody commenting that I could be a part of the sex industry and to stay away. I was wearing sweet Lolita at the time.

I felt incredibly embarrassed. I knew that if I was able to explain about the fashion, then their reactions would probably be very different. It is almost as if people are afraid of the unknown. They did not understand what I was doing and so they came to conclusions based on the world that they know. Which is why instead of seeing a sweet Lolita, they saw an age-play fetishist posing for some photos. It probably doesn’t help that when you say the word Lolita, some people will immediately think of the book with the same name!

Once I had moved on I was able to laugh at the incident. It was relatively funny compared to how things could have turned out.

Before I was in to Lolita, I used to wear punk fashion every single day. As a whole, most of the negativity was harmless. It was mainly people shouting out “hilarious” comments. My form tutor used to sing “These Boots Were Made For Walking” every time I wore my New Rocks with the red flames painted on the side. Afterwards I would just carry on. However, there were a few times where I got a little scared by how far people would go to try to upset me.

I live in a town which by English standards is pretty average. We have our problems just like everywhere else. One of the main issues is this whole yob culture and pettish thuggery. People will attack total strangers. Despite wearing very casual clothing I became a victim last Saturday. I was walking through a car park to get home because it is the quickest way home. It is a gathering point for young people enticed by the glamorised gang culture on TV. Their current favourite hobby is fireworks. So as I walked past they threw a lit firework at me. They were not even the slightest bit concerned that they could have hit me. In fact, they were laughing. The firework landed just a metre away from me and as it went off the sparks flared out. I was very lucky that none of the sparks caught me. We have since reported this incident to the police but have had no response.

To get in to town and to the train station I have to go through this car park or it will add a lot of time on to my journey. I can’t drive and I can hardly ask people to ferry me around. I often wonder how they would react to my Lolita. There are times when it is best to keep your head down. So far I have been very lucky with my timing and there have been hardly any people out and about. I am not in the slightest bit ashamed of wearing Lolita but my safety is being compromised.

And this is why I would never hold a Lolita meet in my home town. The lack of safety. I can cope with people pointing and staring but my neighbourhood makes it hard to just go out and do whatever I want. All the meets I have attended have been in other nearby towns or in London, never here. I admire girls who post on Daily Lolita and say they have been to the shops or that they go to work in Lolita. It is great that they have this freedom. If I wasn’t so worried about the youths in my area I would wear Lolita everywhere.

I will never be forced to give up Lolita. If I did give it up, it would be my decision and nobody else will have a say in the matter. But I cannot stress how important it is not to compromise your safety. I usually get my husband to escort me whilst I am in Lolita. A lot of the time he even comes to meets with me providing the others don’t mind.

There are a lot of things I want to say but I have decided to give a very heavily edited version of events. I am not suggesting in any way that by dressing in Lolita you will get attacked. But due to past experiences, both in and out of Lolita, I don’t think I will ever let my guard down. Lolita is a bold and daring fashion and I admire so many of you. And please don’t be put off Lolita because for every bad experience I have had, I have had about 10 people telling me how wonderful they think I look.


  1. That is really scary. I'm glad you're ok *hug*.

  2. I'm really sorry to hear about your bad experiences. :( I hope it continues to turn out okay, but also I admire your knowing that no-one can force you to give up lolita, even if you can't wear it all the time.

  3. What happened with the firework was really playing on my mind. Writing this post helped a lot. I just really hope that nobody else ever gets seriously hurt.

  4. It's probably bravado with some but it is worrying that they have no sense of the impact of their actions.
    I do understand how it's left you as at a time when I had difficulty walking, some youths thought it would be funny to throw one behind me. I had earache for several days afterward and felt very scared.

    Hugs, Caroline.

  5. That is horrible. It is very scary. And they don't seem to care at all.

  6. I'm tempted if I had that kind of problem to invoke my amendment rights and carry firearms. It would keep people from making fun of me seeing that I could seriously hurt someone...

    But then again I'm the kind of person that hates the way many youth are going these days and feel that capital punishment isn't that bad. I mean many many years ago spankings and getting swatted with a ruler was common place and those kids grew up fine?

    Now a days you have to almost fear kids =_=
    I know two of my friends have kids and have to be careful because they can get accused of child abuse even if the kid falls down and hurts themselves....

  7. Gah! That's super scary... I honestly just can't believe people. :/
    Something is seriously wrong with those kids. <_<; How could it even cross there MINDS to throw a firework at someone...
    But then again...I guess teenagers these days are just plain nasty, I think the reason Lolita's get picked on so easily is because were easy targets. One of my friends has had rocks thrown threw her windows. It's not like she's a Lolita either. Simply because some guys at school didn't like her. It's really pathetic really. But I suppose people are really self-conscience these days, so they need to feel better then someone else. :c Bleh...
    I guess the difference between a Lolita and a normal person, is that with a normal person it takes longer to find there flaws and harass them about it, while with a Lolita it's right there in front of you. :U

    But I'm so glad that I've yet to have any bad experiences wearing Lolita! >.<...I've only gotten a really evil look once, and my friends pulled me away from that creepy guy, so its all good! :3

  8. It is really horrible seeing the people around you getting hurt. I do agree, I think people see lolitas as easy targets. My advice is no matter how rubbish you think your local police are- report crime! I really wish we had called the police sooner.

  9. I live in England too, and I'll agree; some teenagers are right bloody idiots these days. I had my top-hat stolen by two boys on bikes once, and I had to chase them for a mile in New Rocks. That wasn't fun. However, I still don't feel afraid whenever I go out in Lolita and/or Gothic clothing. Maybe it's just me being unaffected, but even when people shout at me, I don't care. Strange, strange me!
    With well wishes, Peachy


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