This Is Not Goodbye- Why I Am On Hiatus

It is with deep regret that I am informing you today that I will not be blogging on here any more... or at least not for the time being. Everything is still a bit up in the air. I honestly have no idea if I will be coming back to lolita fashion blogging or not. If you wish to know why, then keep reading. If you get to the end- congrats! Your prize is my gratitude. Otherwise, I guess I would like to say thank you for reading my blog and I am sorry it had to end.

So firstly, this blog sort of naturally ran its course. I had a list of posts I wanted to make before thinking of shutting down this blog and that list has been completed. Truth is, I could easily keep this blog going just doing print discussions, shopping reviews and outfit posts, but that is not really why I started this blog in the first place and I don't wish to become repetitive. This blog was meant to be a diary of me starting out in lolita fashion and then how I progressed. I logged my experiences and thoughts. But for a while now a lot of my growth has been going on away from the lolita fashion community. I have actually been talking about ending this blog since as far back as 2014, but then for some reason it just kept going. Whilst I am glad I decided to carry back on in 2014, I feel nothing but relief that I am ending it now in 2017. I got an extra 3 years out of this blog and I think I wrote some of my best posts during those 3 years.

Secondly, I can't go in to too much detail, but somebody close to me is very sick. It is not terminal or life shortening, but it is going to affect them for the rest of their life. They actually got officially diagnosed just before Dream Masquerade Carnival and that is why I was such a mess at the tea party. There has been a lot going on behind the scenes including hospital trips, talks with specialists etc. It got me thinking about my own health as well and back in October I finally had a test done which I had been putting off for over a decade (Yay, I was finally brave! James even treated me to salted caramel doughnuts afterwards). I have been thinking a lot about happiness and well-being and sadly, this blog does not really make me happy any more. That is not to say that I don't enjoy the activities and interacting with my readers- believe me, I love reading all of your comments and it made me happy when people came up to me at events and told me they read this blog. But the actual writing part became more of a chore than a pleasure. I want to focus on things that make me happy again. This past year I have completed a course of therapy, which was a real eye-opener. I have also been doing a lot of exercise classes, so I am physically stronger as well. In fact, I may have to sell my Bodyline OP because my biceps are bulkier now and the sleeves are a bit tight... When I compare myself to how I was even just a year ago, I am so much happier and fitter. I feel good about myself. Putting this blog on hiatus is another step on my journey to growing as a person.

Finally, this blog has unfortunately gotten in the way of me pursuing other projects. Believe it or not, even just doing 2 posts a week can get very time consuming. The print posts were not too bad, but the more personal ones took further planning and organising. It wasn't unusual for one post to take me a couple of hours, which can be hard to find when you are also juggling work and other stuff. I have been doing lots of things, such as baking and helping to run charity bake sales. Doing this made me remember how passionate I am about baking and the stalls meant I made new friends and got to help out for a good cause. The last stall made about £300 for a cancer charity and I can't wait for the next one. You will even be able to see a recipe from me in the last Tea Party Club annual. But there is another project which I have actually already started which is going to be eating away at my spare time. I don't wish to say too much about it right now, because it is still early days. The talk I had with somebody at DMC proved pivotal in me taking a big step to finally achieving this dream I have. I am really excited! Hopefully I will be able to share more on this in the future, but it probably wont be for at least another year. I also have some other small side projects which I am hopeful I can put some time and effort in to now that I wont be writing posts for this blog.

So until I figure out what I want to do and how to manage everything, this is sadly going to be my last post. Thank you all for reading and taking part. The blog is going to stay up, so you will be able to look back at any posts you want. If you wish to keep in contact with me, you can either friend me on Facebook (although please say a bit about who you are so I know you are not some random creep) or you can follow me on Instagram @t_is_for_tiffin (be aware you will get my day to day stuff as well as fashion stuff) and I will probably be keeping my Twitter for now, which is linked on the side. I don't really follow that many J-fashion people on Instagram yet, so I would really love to see some of you on there. I am not leaving Japanese fashion, just this blog. So hopefully I will be able to still see some of you and I hope we can keep in contact. If not, then thank you for being a part of this blog. It means a lot to me.

Why Lolita Has Ruined Everyday Shopping For Me

There is nothing I love more than doing a bit of lolita-related shopping online and it's something that takes up a good chunk of my free time. There are just so many auctions and new releases to check out! But before I got in to lolita, I used to love going shopping anyway. Clothes, hobbies, some new cosmetic line... I loved going out and having a good, long shopping session. Eventually, as lolita seeped more and more in to my everyday life, my feelings towards any non-lolita related shopping changed. It no longer feels like a pleasurable experience and if I need to go out and buy something, it fills my heart with dread! I blame lolita for this, as I have found that it has completely changed my views on so many things. I have picked up these little habits and thoughts which I cannot shake off. So here is a list of the ways that lolita has destroyed everyday shopping for me!

Any concept of pricing has gone- See a nice looking blouse in town for £30? In my head that seems expensive. See an auction for a lolita brand blouse for £40 before shipping, service fees and customs? Bargain! I pay loads more for my lolita purchases but when it comes to justifying buying something for my everyday wardrobe, I find myself dithering and wondering if it is really worth it. The crazy thing about this is, I probably wear lolita about 10% of the time and yet when it comes to that other 90% I just can't seem to part with the cash so easily.

I can't buy anything with cheap looking details- Low quality lace, shiny ribbon and other things that tend to make a garment look cheap are something I actively look out for in lolita. The trouble is, I am now doing it with my everyday clothes as well. Although this may sound like a good habit, sometimes I wonder if it really matters. For example, if I wanted to buy some underwear and it had cheap lace on it, who is going to see it? Probably just myself and my husband! And I can tell you with confidence that my husband has never once looked at me and called me out for wearing cheap lace! And yet, I still can't bring myself to buy those cheap lacy undies... There is always that voice in my head telling me that lace wouldn't look out of place on the most hideous ita dress. Oh well, those cheap panties are probably super itchy anyway...

There are no stickers or other cute freebies- Anybody else like collecting those little freebies that come with their Japanese fashion purchases? Stickers, maybe postcards and even a cute shopping bag- I have loads of little collections that I have gathered from buying lolita over the years. Even the price tags are super cute! I also love the experience of visiting a stall at a big lolita event and seeing the stall owners wrap up my items in pastel coloured tissue paper, gently putting them in their cute logo shopping bag and maybe using a cute looking sticker to seal the top of the bag. Do you get that when you go to a bog-standard shop on the high street? No! Here in England you just get asked if you want a plastic carrier bag (and then they inform you that will be an extra 5 pence) and they just shove your stuff in the bag with little care or attention. There are no cute little extras here. Although you can't really blame the retail staff on the high street, as a lot of them are working long hours for a paltry wage and usually there is a big queue of people to deal with. On the rare occasions where you do get exceptional treatment, it makes me appreciate the extra effort that little bit more.

I actually have to try stuff on to check it fits- Usually with lolita clothing I have a pretty good idea if something will fit or not before it has even arrived. And there is always the shirring and waist ties as well. If something really doesn't fit, I have the confidence of knowing I can probably sell it on and get most of my money back. When I go out shopping for stuff like jeans, for example, I have to try them on in the store with no exceptions. I am not sure what clothes stores are like in other countries, but here in the UK we have a big problem with 'vanity sizing'. So you could be a size 8 in one store but a size 10 or 12 in another. And in the cheaper places like Primark, 2 items that are supposedly the same size could in fact be completely different sizes. So it is vital to try things on. That means queuing for ages for an available cubicle, and sometimes the cubicles are not the most clean of places. It all feels like a complete hassle. And the only reason I do it is that I know that if I walk out the store with something that doesn't fit, I will then have the hassle of queuing at the returns counter and wasting more time. Even then, I may get store credit instead of getting my money back.

I have no idea what sort of everyday clothes I even like any more- I know what themes I love in lolita and when I am not wearing lolita I have this sort of casual 'uniform' of jeans, a t-shirt and a hoodie. I live in a town where if you wear anything other than jeans, you really look out of place. So a lot of the time when I don't wear lolita, I usually tend to just 'blend in' and I look the same a lot of the time. I work from home too, so I don't usually get much of a chance to dress up usually, because there doesn't seem to be much point. Most of the time, this is fine. However, when a special event comes up, I usually have to go and buy myself a new outfit. And when this happens, I usually don't have a clue what sort of clothing I like. It's been so long that I have brought anything other than casual clothes or lolita, that when I look at all these fancy non-lolita dresses it is a real shock to the system. I had to go outfit shopping for James' work Christmas do last year and I almost had a complete breakdown in the middle of a busy shopping centre! It is because I have become a creature of habit and anything that takes me out of my comfort zone causes panic.

I am always trying to 'lolify' everything- Even when I am trying to switch off the lolita part of my brain, it still has a habit of popping out when I go shopping. I find myself asking if it matches the colours of my lolita wardrobe, even if I have no intention of wearing it as part of a lolita outfit. And accessory shopping is a pain too. I look at stuff and think "If I add a bit of lace to that, it could maybe work for lolita...". As much as I love lolita, I feel the need to take a break from it every now and then and I try not to let it dominate my life. Sadly, I can't always tell my brain to stop thinking as a lolita would!

Even sales don't seem that great any more- Because nothing will ever compare to the Mr Yan Happy Birthday 50% off Everything Sale of September 1st 2011. My friends and I still tell tales of that epic sale to this very day...

"I could be spending this money on brand!"- And finally, what is possibly the most frustrating point on this entire list! I am out shopping and I have finally convinced myself that I really want this item I found... I get to the queue to pay when that voice inevitably creeps in- "What if some amazing bargain has just come up on the Japanese auctions?". And when you are looking for a dream dress there is always the paranoia that as soon as you part with any money, it will suddenly pop up and you no longer have the money for the dress. This feeling of dread has plagued me the entire time I have been in to lolita and to be fair, this fear is well founded. Only a few weeks ago, I was buying something online and something from my wishlist happened to pop up for sale a day later. One of the most important lessons a lolita has to learn is how to get over "the dress that got away".

Something tells me that if or when I leave lolita, these little habits and thoughts are not just going to just go away. To be fair though, lolita has also taught me some really positive things about shopping. I had to teach myself how to budget and be responsible with my money. I take a lot more time to think my purchases through now and if I am having a dilemma about buying something, I will usually ask a friend to talk me through whether I actually want it or not. Well, I hope you enjoyed me sharing my shopping experiences with you all. Maybe you empathised or laughed, or perhaps you completely disagree with me. The important thing is, that despite these little rants in today's post, I still look at my beautiful lolita wardrobe and feel it was all worth it.

Mollie Makes- Cute Crafting

One of the more interesting aspects of having therapy (which I have now completed! Yay!) is the random discoveries that you make during your journey. A task that I had to complete every single week (and still do now afterwards, because I find it fun) was to do 5 relaxing things every week. Sounds easy, right? Well it can be surprisingly difficult to make time to simply relax and plan what activities you are going to do! As part of this, I decided that I wanted to explore a little bit more the things which I have previously enjoyed, but sort of got pushed aside. A part of this involved going to a store with a huge magazine selection and browsing the general interest section. It was during this time that I stumbled across a magazine called Mollie Makes. The free gift that issue was this cute biscuit keychain. I made a note to myself to buy the magazine the following day when I had more money, but it turned out it was that day that the new issue was coming out. Typical! So I decided to take to Ebay and the like, in search of Mollie Makes issues. I discovered that they could be somewhat relevant to the Japanese Fashion and general Kawaii Community.

So I got this issue of Mollie Makes because the cover photo looked very promising. I was not disappointed. It gives clear instructions on how to make cute stuff, such as the felt macarons you can see here. These would not look too out of place on a lolita accessory. I am having fun coming up with ideas on how I can use this macaron pattern as a base for future crafting projects.

There is also simple embroidery and it talks you through the basic techniques. I think this could be a useful magazine for anybody looking to extend their crafting knowledge or those who dream of selling their own accessories. There is a range of big and small projects- there is a crochet skirt and other clothing as well- and a wide range of variety. Some of the projects will probably not be related to your interests at all, but there is a great deal of potential here as well. There are also interviews with members of the crafting community. It gives a fascinating insight in to the day to day life of your typical crafter. It gives you an idea of where their inspiration comes from.

I am really looking forward to buying further editions of Mollie Makes in the future. In fact, I may delay publishing this so I have a chance to get all the past issues I want! But there are also online patterns and projects if you do not wish to commit and buy a physical copy. I just wanted to give the magazine a bit of a signal boost because I think it could be a useful tool. Out of all the craft magazines I have come across this is one of the best ones I have discovered. I can't wait to make the macarons!

How I Brainstorm Outfits

Firstly, I must apologise. This post was supposed to be a video instead of a text post (which would have made it easier to elaborate on my points, but I will try my best to explain everything) but due to some bad timing, I am unable to make a video. I had to come off my medication for a medical examination and as a result, I have had bad acid reflux and keep losing my voice. So it is a bit difficult to project my voice for recording a video at the moment.

So a couple of weeks back I received a question from somebody asking me how I go about creating my outfits. I figured it would be a good idea to show you the thought process I go through whenever I get a new piece. I really wish more lolitas would do posts like this. It is fascinating to see how the minds of other lolitas tick!

So today I am taking you through what I did when I received my Le Miroir bird print skirt in the mail. This is essentially how I do things for every new piece I get. In some places my brainstorm may seem a bit basic, but the point is that I have a written record that I can refer back to. Any fancy, elaborate stuff can be added afterwards when I am feeling a bit more adventurous.

So firstly, what type of lolita am I aiming for when I make an outfit with this piece? This is important because obviously if you have a dark or gothic piece for example, you probably want to be keeping those cutesy details at bay. For this skirt I have gone for sweet/classic, as I feel this skirt straddles both styles (probably leaning slightly more towards sweet). I also get quite an Otome feel from this skirt, so I added that on as a potential extra area to explore in the future.

Next, how fancy is the skirt? Some pieces are simply too plain for an OTT outfit and others are too OTT to be toned down for more casual everyday wear. So I like to make sure I know whereabouts on the Fancy scale my pieces lie. Here I have made a note to say that this skirt could be dressed up a bit, but it is leaning more towards the casual side of things (especially being a skirt, rather than a dress, which tend to have a more casual feel anyway). So I know that I could wear this skirt to something like a local community meet and on a day-to-day basis, but I would not necessarily wear it to a massive gathering with big guests where people tend to wear their best outfits.

Next I will look at the colours. I feel it is a good idea to divide the colours in to main colours and other colours (smaller uses of colour on the piece) because it helps me when I am trying to work out colour balancing. The main colours are where I will start considering items such as blouses and shoes. I will be looking through my wardrobe to see what basics match the skirt. It is also a good idea to try and find a good, solid basic colour that is typically easy to co-ordinate with. Colours like white, black or ivory fit this category. So for this skirt, I have off-white. I have a lot of off-white items in my wardrobe, so now I can go through my blouses etc to see what matches, always keeping in mind the style I am aiming for (such as sweet) in mind as I look through. Then we move on to the smaller colours. These are colours that I may consider adding to my outfit, but are not overly dominant in the outfit. So it could be that I have a small accessory that is on one of these lesser colours or a larger accessory may feature a small bit of these colours. As the birds on this skirt are very colourful, I have a fair few options to choose from! You may also see that I have added some notes next to some of the colours. For example, I have put 'dull tone' next to the gold, because that way I will hopefully avoid choosing golds which are too bright. As Otome can feature clashing colours, I could also consider what additional colours I could add to the colours I already have.

Then we move on to themes. So this skirt features birds, berries and flowers. When I am listing themes, I will see if there is any way I can extend on these themes further. So for birds, I have listed cages, feathers and wings. This is because these are things that you may typically associate with birds and so it connects back to the main theme of birds. Perhaps there is an accessory in my wardrobe that features these smaller details, such as the feathers? It is around this point that I will really start to focus on what accessories and jewelry I can add. 

Then if I am still feeling uninspired, I will look in to broader patterns and motifs on the skirt. So this skirt features vertical stripes. If I don't have any suitable bird themed items, I may consider going for stripy items instead. There are bows on the lace, so I can consider wearing items which feature bows. My shoes may have a bow on them, for example. I also added hearts to this list, but they are quite small and hidden in the print. So if I were to add these to the outfit, I would keep them small and subtle. 

Finally, I will take some photos of items laying on top of each other so I can get a good visual idea of how well they go. It doesn't matter if they don't match in these photos, because the point is that we have that visual representation to refer back to and it saves us from digging out items at a later date which we know may not match. So for this photo I have tried some leg wear with my skirt. By taking this photo I have discovered that the flowers on both pairs of socks may not be ideal for this skirt, as the pink of the skirt is a lot more dusky. But I have not completely written off the AP socks on the right, because the flowers are pale and subtle enough that I might just be able to get away with wearing them. Plus the cage on those socks goes brilliantly. These are all things to bear in mind before I go completely dismissing them. Plus, I now have this photo I can go back to and reconsider at a later date. This leg wear photo is just one example and I will sometimes take photos for all sorts of things like accessories. I have albums full of 'floordinate' shots!

So that is about the general gist of how I go from buying a piece to making an outfit. I have tried to be as detailed as possible. I am just sorry that I was unable to make a video for this. This is the method I use quite frequently and the photos offer a bit of trial-and-error. At this brainstorming stage it doesn't matter so much if things do not match. We are trying things out and at this point it can be fun to get a bit more daring and experimental. I hope you have found this helpful!

Brand Inspired Decor

Work was a bit slow for a couple of days, so to break my boredom I decided to have a bit of a play around and make some brand inspired bedrooms. I don't really have the option to decorate a room based around a brand so I am having to live vicariously through other people's Pinterest boards. Oh well, it was fun doing a bit of window shopping and I enjoyed putting these 'looks' together. Could we maybe pretend that all of the colours match up? These collages are meant more as mood boards rather than finalised room designs. It is really difficult to get things like colour right when you are looking through a laptop monitor! As for further inspiration, I guess I would suggest checking out your local charity shops and maybe checking out antique markets. Sometimes you can find some cute kitsch stuff from a few decades ago which could fit the aesthetic. Touring places such as stately homes can be inspiring if you are a classic lolita. There has been a rise in adults adopting 'childish' (their words, not mine...) culture as well, and you can find some really cute articles which may offer inspiration.

Alice and the Pirates

There were lots of different ways I could have gone with the AatP room, but I remember an old interview (I think it is in one of the English GLBs) where the designer was talking about her inspiration for setting up the brand. I love the idea of Alice from Alice in Wonderland going on adventures beyond Wonderland. So this collage is very piratey. I didn't feel the pirate colours truly reflected the whole AatP 'feel' so I added in some dark red as well. 

Angelic Pretty

Pink, pink and... more pink! My inspiration for this collage came from the actual Angelic Pretty stores in Japan, which are very pink! I also decided to go for a cute, retro look. When I saw the stripy bow shaped cushion, I instantly thought of AP. This being AP, I decided to add a touch of Paris to things as well. Looking at the finished collage, I suppose this is more late 2010 era AP rather than present day AP. Maybe I should try giving that a go... I could see that being a massive challenge though!

Baby the Stars Shine Bright

There is still a touch of the pink, but in more muted tones than AP. I wanted to do something a bit 'dreamy' and soft looking. So I went for light, delicate layers. A lot of my inspiration here came from the print Twinkle Dreaming Princess, which features clouds and bedroom furniture. It just seemed like the ideal print for this collage. Please excuse the rabbit jars, which are not really the right colour. I added them because I thought I couldn't do a BTSSB room without at least acknowledging Usakumya-chan. I love my little Usa pochette, but I know some lolitas out there have massive Usakumya collections. Having a gathering of them piled in one corner of the room is definitely how I envisage a BTSSB room!

Innocent World

This has a more classic, European look. It is well known that the IW designer is a massive Europe lover and her travels have inspired several IW prints. I felt it was only right to acknowledge some of the more popular aspects of Innocent World. So the collage features a deer wall decor to represent Lotta, Fleur de Lis details which crop up in a lot of IW prints, a crown chandelier which is a nod to Grazia Crown and a cherub tray to represent that cherub IW print whose name I can't think of right now. There is also some florals thrown in, because IW do release a lot of floral prints.

Moi Meme Moitie

Out of all the collages, this one was the easiest to do! There are so many pages dedicated to gothic decor, that I was really spoiled for choice. So I tried to go for styles which reflected Moitie. Can you imagine Mana doing a photoshoot in this room? That was my main objective! I feel the bed frame and screen have a similar style to popular MMM gate prints, such as Iron Gate. Obviously, there had to be some vivid blue in there too! The coffin shelving unit is a nod to the old Moitie physical stores, where the changing rooms were shaped like coffins. It is a shame the lining is not blue though!

So this post was really just for fun, but I hope you have all enjoyed it. You may have noticed I didn't do one for Metamorphose... I did try to do one, but it was so all over the place and nothing really complimented anything else. They are so diverse style-wise that it would be hard to do a Meta room without focusing solely on one particular print, which really wouldn't reflect on the brand as a whole. I had a leopard print chaise longe saved and everything! 

September 2017 Haul- Unexpected Dream Item Edition

Today I have another haul to share with you all, which is mostly accessory based with a bit of artwork thrown in for good measure. This was not meant to be a 'Big Spending' month for me, especially after DMC, but fate decided to chuck a wishlist item in my direction. I also really like Halloween, which as you will see below heavily influenced my spending.

First is a pair of postcards I got from Polyrillustration on Etsy. I have a bad habit of buying anything remotely bird themed lately, but these are no ordinary birds! They have been drawn by a lolita called Elizabeth and their wings feature a lace pattern. So I guess you could say they have been slightly lolitafied! But I wanted to include these in my haul post because I really think Elizabeth is talented and as an added bonus, she is really lovely! Please go and check out her Etsy.

As well as an envelope covered in the most amazing bird stickers (which I have cut out and kept, even though they are no longer sticky) Elizabeth wrote me a thank you note. Apparently I am her very first customer! I really loved the bird drawing she did for the note. I would be interested to see where she takes her art in the future. Perhaps she could offer to draw customer's birds? (hint hint...)

Next is a Spooktacular haul from H&M. I went looking for Larme-able stuff, and ended up raiding the kid's section. Aside from the moon and star clips, everything came from the kid's section. I have to admit that so far this Autumn I have not been impressed with the very slow trickle of Halloween merchandise available here in the UK. It is not really that big a holiday over here and I was sad that H&M relegated Halloween to the kid's section. 

But I was very glad I took a chance and went to check the kid's bit out (I do this every time I go to H&M) because these accessories are so adorable! I absolutely love the bat clip. All the clips are quite firmly glued on. I am also pleased to say that the chokers stretch enough for an adult to comfortably wear them. The skeleton hands do indeed glow in the dark, but they are not that vibrant. I mainly got these for their spooky vibe. Also, these hand clips are quite popular in Japanese fashion but they can be very expensive. So being able to get them on the high street was a big bonus.

I also got these fluffy scrunchies because I thought they looked cute, but also because I could incorporate them in to my larme wardrobe. Despite being in the kid's section, they have a reasonable amount of stretch to them. My only complaint is I had to buy 2 lots so I could have matching colours if I did twin tails. Who am I kidding, I would have brought them in both colours anyway!

Finally, I got both the necklace and bracelet from Baby's Twinkle Constellation series! You may have seen me use this necklace in a load of outfit collages on here, and now I actually own it! These have both been on my wishlist ever since the series first came out, but they very rarely crop up on the second hand market. Then Closet Child Harajuku got both of them. I had to use a shopping service for the necklace, so I used Muuh Tokyo SS. She replied super quick and within minutes we had arranged for her to go to Closet Child the following day and pick up the necklace for me. I was sent photographic proof of the necklace and receipt. The necklace was also very well packed. I would wholeheartedly recommend her service if you need a speedy shopping service.

Both the bracelet and the necklace were in like new condition. The design which I have coveted for so many years was definitely worth it. The rounded star shape is so cute. It does remind me of candy, as do the frosted beads. The star chains interwoven in to the design are a nice touch as well. I did notice that the star charms were a little stiff and don't have much movement to them, but this is only a minor complaint. The necklace has lots of space on the chain to adjust the length, but the bracelet is firmly one size only. I did find this meant the bracelet slipped quite far down my arm. I suppose because of the bracelet design it would have been difficult to make it adjustable without compromising on appearance. But overall, I am super happy to finally tick these off my wishlist. I don't have that many items left to go now, which is exciting! I do wonder how (or if) my wardrobe will expand after I get everything else.

So those are my new items! Despite the necklace really taking me by surprise and screwing up my socialising funds for this month, I don't regret getting it at all. It is a really cool design and now I am probably going to bore you all by wearing it constantly! The other items were all cheap and well worth the money. I really like it when you find little surprises on the high street. Primark, didn't have the fluffy bag I wanted, but otherwise my shopping trip left me satisfied. There is more stuff on the way to me in the mail so hopefully there will be another haul post in the near future.

Community Politics

The idea of lolita communities, whether they are more local or larger national communities, has been in my thoughts a great deal lately. I suppose with the disbanding of the Tea Party Club and the online reactions in response to this, there has been a lot of talk about what happens now. I wont be mentioning any names or specific comments (and most of the comments are anonymous anyway) but I am absolutely gobsmacked at some of the things being said. Sorry to say it, but some people are coming across as very entitled. The Tea Party Club events took so much time and effort. I don't think some people realise just how much the organisers put in to these huge events. But even at a local level there are some of the negative effects trickling down. For a while now I have backed away from being a part of a local community. It is not anything specific that one individual person has done, but because I was wondering if the smaller comm meets are really how I wish to pursue my love of lolita fashion. I try not to blog about the negative impact too much, but I will be honest and admit that there have been times where I have been hosting a meet where it has made me severely ill (both physically and mentally). A lot of that is down to me as an individual, but it did result in me backing away from my local community a lot. I came to realise that I am at my happiest when I am in just a small group of lolitas or even doing something with just my husband James. I am wearing lolita for myself a lot more and not because I feel the pressure to make a super amazing outfit for a community meet up. Communities can be great, but they are not the be-all and end-all of wearing lolita. But I thought today I would tackle community politics and how maybe we can all go about creating a bit of harmony in our communities.

A small disclaimer- none of the comments in this post are aimed at any specific community or individual. I appreciate that this could be a sensitive subject and I want you all to know that I am not making any thinly veiled digs at anybody. These are just general observations I have made from being part of several different communities (not all of them lolita communities) and also from stuff I have heard from others both online and in real life.

Firstly, majority rules, or at least it should be taken in to account when planning an event. Voting on dates and venues mean you can get a better picture of your community's needs. If the majority have selected one particular option and they host goes ahead and agrees with the vote, then in theory you are going to have a larger number of attendees and happier guests. But ultimately, it is the host's choice. I feel that if somebody is going to the effort of hosting a meet, they should have the largest say in what happens because it is the host who will have to deal with bookings, any problems etc. Try not to get upset if a vote does not go your way. The idea of these events is to cater towards the whole group, not one individual. You don't have to be at every single meet. Sometimes you just have to accept that things have not gone your way.

We should also try to take other member's needs in to consideration. For example, if you are hosting an event which would be suitable for adults only, maybe consider doing something more inclusive for all ages for the following meet. If somebody has a food allergy or specific diet, see if you can compromise and go to a similar venue where they are more likely to find food they can eat. Not everybody is able-bodied or as healthy, so consider if there is going to be a lot of walking or physical exertion involved. Try to make sure that everybody feels included and welcome to take part.

I also think it is important not to let one person take on all of the work. This is something I can relate to, as I have gotten myself in a rut of being the only one hosting meets before. Doing all of the organising can be super stressful and it takes its toll. I think in the wake of what has happened with the Tea Party Club, it is only now that we are realising what people like Kyra did for the UK community. She organised so many of the big events that I feel some of us took it for granted. Now we are at a loss about how to continue in the future. Fantastic meets can only go ahead if somebody is there to put the work in. If you have a service to offer which you think may be useful (translating, photography etc) then make yourself known. Also, if you want to step up and host a meet but don't know what to do, don't be afraid to ask event hosts for advice. I think that if people are willing to ask the needed questions, people will be able to offer advice. Do remember that 5 years ago, Kyra only got Juliette et Justine to come over because she actually asked them. And please, make sure that your hosts feel valued. Thank them!

Another thing to consider is making sure the community does not have any unrealistic rules. As an example, I know there are some communities which have a rule against going or posting on places like 4chan. How exactly do you enforce a rule like this? As these sites are anonymous, it is rare that you can prove who is posting what without going to a lot of effort. This can cause a lot of unnecessary finger pointing and accusations. Also, a lot of community members are adults or at least old enough to be making their own choices. We can't realistically police everything and in trying to do so, you can actually cause more problems than you are trying to prevent. Lolita is a fashion and having long lists of rules to join a community can scare people away.

Speaking of moderation, community moderators should be approachable and somebody you can go to if a problem arises. Members of a community want to know that they will be treated well. Not being able to get a hold of somebody when you have questions can be very frustrating. If as a moderator you feel as though you have taken too much on, consider adding additional moderators. Share the burden out fairly.

It is also important to try and keep personal drama out of lolita communities. Have an issue with another lolita? That should be between the two of you and nobody else. Don't force people to choose sides. It can really cause a horrible atmosphere if you bring your drama to a meet. Sometimes it is very tricky to deal with people you don't like or have fallen out with, but hopefully you can keep things civil. Rather than focusing on the drama, try talking to another lolita. Focus on other things. I personally find that this has a positive effect rather than brooding on things.

Finally, members should be free to meet up with each other away from the community. Sometimes you find you really click with somebody and you develop a friendship beyond the fashion. So it is only natural that you may decide to meet up with those few people outside of lolita meets, regardless of whether or not you wear lolita when you see each other. If you connect with somebody, don't be afraid to make the first move. Try messaging them and if things go well, maybe you could suggest meeting at a cafe for a drink. As you get older, it is a lot harder to make new friends compared to when you were a child. You may find you have to make a bit more effort, but sow the seeds and hopefully a beautiful friendship will bloom.

So those are just some thoughts that I have come up with. Can you think of anything that I have missed out? Do feel free to comment your suggestions. Over the past year I have been thrown in to a lot of situations where I have needed to consider my interactions a lot more and I think as a result my behaviour and actions have changed (hopefully for the better!). With everything that has happened recently, perhaps we need to think a bit more about how we can evolve as a community. You can't make everybody happy all the time, but sometimes just knowing that our thoughts and feelings have been acknowledged can make all the difference. My wish for the future is that we can all continue to have fun adventures together as a happy and content community.

A Lolita Reads Lolita

Okay, today was meant to be my DMC post but unfortunately I have had a stinking cold the past few days. So I am doing a bit of self care and posting a post I already had written up. I am hoping to have the chance to go through all my stuff later, so the DMC post should be up next Thursday. Apologies for the delay. So much crazy stuff has been going on! Anyway, here is a post about the Lolita novel...

As wearers of lolita fashion, how many times has the phrase "It's not like the book" come out of our mouths as we explain to others what the fashion is about? It has almost become a bit of a running joke in the fashion community. There is this great fear of the clothing we love getting compared to the main subject of the book- pedophilia. But how many of us have actually read the book? I got asked recently if I had read Lolita and I had to admit that I hadn't. So I decided that something needed to be done about this and went and got myself a copy. Be warned- MASSIVE SPOILERS are going to follow.

The book is told from the point of view of Humbert Humbert, the nymphet loving pedophile who falls in love with Dolores (also known as Lolita). He has been imprisoned for murder and the book sort of reads as his confession. Before reading the book, I was expecting to view Humbert as simply being a dirty old pervert. In the beginning, that is indeed how I viewed him. Despite hearing his tales of his early love life pre-Lolita, all I could see was the pedophile. In fact, hearing his tales sounded awfully as if he was trying to justify what he was about to tell us all about his misdemeanors with Lolita. Humbert obviously knows what he did is wrong and has the audacity to try and pleas with the reader to understand him!

But as I got further in to the book, it became more confusing to me. The Humbert near the start of the book is very focused on his lust and his careful pursuit of Lolita. He catches little glances of her and satisfies himself with brief moments, such as having Lolita sit on his knee. I never had the impression that he was genuinely in love with Lolita. I don't believe that Humbert feels he is in love with Lolita either. He talks about how when she gets older, she will eventually lose her 'nymphet qualities' and how he wishes to enjoy her whilst she is still young. Later on, it becomes apparent that there is another Humbert. This other Humbert is hopelessly in love with Lolita. When he sees her as a pregnant, married 17-year-old, Humbert tells us that he is still in love with Lolita, even though she is no longer a child. His feelings towards his former lover seem to genuine. The romantic poetry and flowery descriptions throughout the book feel more heartfelt. I never once felt sorry for Humbert, and it remains the case that his sexual tendencies are illegal, but I found myself feeling a lot less hostile towards him as I finished the novel.

Initially, I was not a fan of the character Lolita. Her character felt very two-dimensional and written to sound like a 'typical' teenager, obsessed with movies, clothing and all the usual stuff. Humbert is not a reliable narrator, which means we are only seeing her through his eyes. He is focused solely on the sexual elements of their relationship for most of the book. It is only later on that he realises how damaging his actions have been and how maybe Lolita may have been thinking. To truly build a picture of Lolita's character, I had to remind myself how I was when I was her age. When I was 12, I was curious about sex but not so much in forming meaningful relationships. I see that same curiosity in Lolita. It is almost as if sex is a game. Only as time goes on, and Lolita's vulnerabilities come through, it becomes more apparent that she is maybe not as willing a sexual partner as Humbert first thinks.

When I finished the book I was pleased to see that it really wasn't anywhere near as smutty as I thought it was going to be. Humbert is clearly a very troubled character, as evidenced by his time in a mental institution and the mourning of a childhood lover. Lolita is equally troubled, and you do have to wonder how a typical 12 year-old would react if they were to go through the same events as Lolita. I found myself finding that the way the events pan out in the book are maybe not as unrealistic as I first thought. It is the tragedy of the situation that I have found has stayed in my mind after finishing the book.

Although the book left some confusing feelings inside me afterwards (there are lots of little subtleties I missed at first until they were pointed out in the afterword and reviews of the novel) I am still glad that I read it. I do think the book fully deserves its reputation as a Modern Classic and it was interesting seeing what other people thought of it. Perhaps on a second reading, it will gradually begin to make more sense to me. From a lolita fashion point of view, the book has absolutely nothing to do with the fashion. But rather than dismissing the book as some kind of dirty piece of erotica, I would invite others to actually pick up and read the book. It is also fair to say that there is a sexual fetish named after Lolita, but usually it is simply enough to explain to members of the public that it is not connected to the book. At least now, I can say with confidence that I have indeed read the book. I may still dislike Humbert's appalling actions and his pathetic attempts to justify them to both the reader and himself, but the book is written in such a way that you can almost get a better idea of how his mind works. His realizations towards the end help to make him seem a lot more'human'. Lolita is maybe not a good book for a more casual reader, but if you are a book fan then I would recommend giving it a go.

Co-ordinating Difficult Colours

A thought occurred to me as I was discussing the recent Angelic Pretty print Peacefully Sleeping Toys. My thinking was that if I were to get this series, my top colour choice would have been the navy blue. That is not because the navy blue colour was necessarily my favourite, but because I found the idea of trying to make an outfit with the grey colour incredibly daunting. I have noticed that there are certain colours which over the years I have gone out of my way to avoid. This is partly because I already have loads of different colours in my wardrobe and don't want to add even more, but also because I think I would find them a challenge to add successfully to my wardrobe. Brown, for example, is a colour which has never really made it in to my wardrobe. Outside of chocolate prints, I don't think I would have much of a clue how to wear that colour. I know I am not the only one who struggles with these difficult colours that pop up from time to time. But colours such as grey are popping up more frequently as of late, and in a lot of instances it has become the most popular colour. The trouble is, a lot of the brands have not extended their wardrobe basics to this colour, which means finding stuff to go with our dresses is very hard! So I tried to come up with a few ideas on how to combat this issue. 

Firstly, it is not exactly very original, but where possible it is worth trying to get the matching set rather than just the dress. If you were to aim to get another item, such as the head bow, then at least it is almost guaranteed that you are going to have at least one item in your wardrobe which is the exact same colour. 

Another idea would be to focus on other main colours on the dress. Is there a particular colour which stands out? Sometimes I find you are able to build an outfit just by using this other colour. This doesn't tend to work as well if you have opted for a skirt rather than a dress, as there is less distribution of the main colour. Keeping your colours balanced is always a goal to aim for.

If that fails, then the next way to go is attempting to find accessories in the same colour, possibly from non-lolita brands. But when doing this, try to think about what accessories would be easiest to find in that colour. For example, you will probably have more success finding a hair accessory in many different colours compared to shoes, which can be a real pain to find in a particular shade. If an accessory from a non-lolita brand is the right shade, but not exactly very 'lolita' looking, is there a way you can customise it? I did a post recently on shoe customising which featured little clips you can add on. Simple things like that can turn a basic item in to something more cute and appropriate to the fashion.

Sadly, that was about as far as I got with ideas. So here is a random outfit I chucked together using the grey Peaceful Sleeping Toys OP! Just so you are aware, on my monitor the shoe colour looks similar to the print close up in the corner. If it looks like different shades to you, then I apologise! I was really trying hard to find matching grey shoes to try and challenge myself. I think the lesson here is to wait until you have the dress in person so you can clearly see what colour it is before attempting to add in accessories from non-lolita brands. However, the majority of this outfit is from brands. The only exception are the shoes and the bag, which I think is from DreamV (don't quote me on that...). 

But as frustrating as these different colours can be, I am actually really glad to see colours like grey become more common. I really do feel that Peaceful Sleeping Toys works the best in the grey version. Today I have just focused on grey, but try considering other difficult or rarely seen colours. Orange, non-lavender purples, olive green, teal and turquoise are colours which are not overly common, but they do pop up from time to time. How could you go about adding those to your wardrobe? Or would you be like me, and play it safe with a safer colour choice, even if it is not your favourite? I had fun creating this outfit, but whether I would be brave enough to actually buy a grey coloured dress remains to be seen!

Recent Outfits Summer 2017

Life has been a bit hectic as of late, but it hasn't stopped me from dressing up from time to time. So I thought I would share my most recent looks with you all today. I didn't bother to include my birthday outfit, seeing as that was already featured in a post. But here are the outfits I have not posted on here yet.

First is a little casual affair with my Bodyline Rose Bouquet skirt. I really desperately felt like dressing up. The only trouble is, it was really humid for a long time here in the UK. So I am aware that my hair looks very plain here, but curls would not have lasted in this heat and it was too hot to wear a wig! You can't really see it that well, but I attached some rose clips to the blouse to make sure that the colours were a bit more evenly distributed. 

Then I finally got around to wearing my beloved Moon Cat set by Metamorphose. I wore this intending it to just be a casual street fashion look, rather than lolita. If you are wondering how I am keeping my RHS straps up, the secret is a pair of fishnet tights layered over the top of my normal tights (top tip!). The only thing I would potentially change is adding a red bow to the beret. I feel the hair accessories are a bit lacking here. But like I said, this was only intended to be a casual outfit anyway.

Next is... a happy accident. I am currently attempting to slowly downsize and I was sorting through piles of clothes that I wanted to get rid of. This floral Bodyline dress just happened to be sat on a pile on top of the purple blouse. I thought they looked really great together, and so this outfit was born! I am not really sure what I was going for here... girly style larme? Otome maybe? I chose the sheer polka dot socks because they matched the dot details on the dress bodice. The purple shoes were to balance out the purple blouse. I also used the Whale Fall bag I got off Taobao recently. I can confirm it is very roomy and so far it has been holding up well. Whatever this outfit is (I am not too fussed about labeling it) it is one that I really enjoyed wearing. I am still intending to sell the dress though!

I got the chance to see some of my friends and decided to try out some larme kei. I think my make up is just about visible. The sunshine made it difficult to photograph, but the under eye blush and nude eye shadow is there! I wore the H&M skirt with one of the lace tops from my recent Aliexpress order. Although I am still not 100% sure which direction I want to go in with larme kei, I am really pleased with how this outfit came together. So maybe this is the sort of larme style I am going to be aiming for in the future. I got a lot of positive feedback for this outfit, which was really encouraging.

And just when I go casual and tone things down, I then go all sugary sweet again! I wanted to wear some 2012 era sweet lolita, so that is exactly what I did! It had been a while since I last wore Sugary Carnival and it seemed like the perfect dress to suit my whims, seeing as it was released around that sort of time. The Shadow Carnival tights worked just as I had expected them to. I had forgotten how badly the applique on the tights stinks of cheap plastic though! Recently I have fallen back in love with this AP biscuit bag, so I was happy that it matched the theme of this outfit. It is an item that doesn't match that much of my wardrobe, but I can't bear to part with it. It is also a good size, perfect for when I am going on one of my cake eating adventures.

Here is an accessory close up. I was having mixed feelings about wearing this necklace. Sugary Carnival does have a tiny bit of yellow on it and there are stars in the print as well. I was worried it looked a little out of place next to all the sweet themed items though and wondered if the candy themed necklace I also had picked out would have been better. Still, I don't think this is the worst decision I have ever made outfit-wise. At least I had put some thought in to it.

And that brings us up to mid August (how is it mid August already!? It is almost time for the annual Tea Party Club event). Considering how unpredictable the weather has been and how busy I have been, I have managed to pack a fair few outfits in! So hopefully there will be many more outfits to share with you all soon!

Where My Inspiration Comes From

I was reading another lolita's blog post recently about where they got their inspiration from. It seemed like a really cool idea for a blog post, so I decided to have a go at the topic myself. I struggled with this post to begin with. Personally, I don't really see any one individual lolita as 'inspiration'. That is not to say that I don't find other lolitas inspirational, because I do. I am always saving pictures of accessories and ideas that I think are cool. If I have ever reblogged your photo online (via Tumblr or whatever) then it is because I really liked what I saw! It is just that when I am trying to come up with my own outfit ideas, I usually find my inspiration coming from the strangest of places or completely out of the blue. So I thought I would share specific examples of where my previous outfit ideas have come from.

Anime

I am not as big an anime fan as I once was, but I do still enjoy it. My weakness is any series done by CLAMP, especially Cardcaptor Sakura. I have always liked their art style and the imagery they conjure through their shows. My winged shoes from my Enchanted event outfit were inspired by the Jump Card from Cardcaptor Sakura, which when released would manifest by way of a pair of wings emerging from Sakura's shoes.

Japanese Illustrators

If you have any of the English Gothic Lolita Bibles, then you are probably familiar with the artist above! One of my most controversial outfits came about because of Looks Like a Teaspoon by Nakamura Asumiko. You can just about see a hint of pearly leg in the illustration above. I am also a big admirer of illustrators such as Sakizou. Sadly this particular idea did not translate so well in to real life and my execution could have been a whole lot better (I cringe when I see my full outfit now!). I think this is something to bear in mind. Just because something looks beautiful in a picture, it does not mean that it is going to work for an actual outfit.

British Comedy Characters

No, I am being deadly serious here! My love of my bowler hats stems from Hyacinth Bucket! Keeping up Appearances has always been one of my favourite shows, ever since I was little. But watching the series again since becoming a lolita, I have picked up on certain little details that I missed previously. Hyacinth's personality may be vile, but she sure does love a matching hat! She likes wearing statement jewellery and gloves too. There are also older comedy series which have some interesting fashions from the time. There is an episode of Fawlty Towers where Sybil wears a beautiful chiffon bed jacket which wouldn't look too out of place in Japanese fashion today. But Hyacinth remains my main inspiration. I can binge watch that show for days.

Royal Family and Royal Family Portraits

When attending an event called Regalia, the most natural place to look for inspiration is my country's very own royal family! I especially paid attention to the family portraits, as they tend to include a lot of fancy details which the royal family may not wear usually on a typical royal engagement. It was looking through these sort of pictures which encouraged me to have a go at making my own sash. I decided against the cape though. That was a bit too OTT for me! During the event I even had one of the photographers ask to take my photo in front of a picture because he said I matched it perfectly. I saw that as a huge compliment as I had achieved what I had set out to.

Cafe Workers and Shop Assistants

I have chosen a maid cafe uniform to demonstrate my point here as it seemed like the most obvious example. The maid cafe influence is pretty apparent in my outfit. But other work places can have cute uniforms as well. It is really inspiring seeing shop staff wearing the stock, especially with Japanese fashion brands. Seeing the clothing actually worn as opposed to on a computer screen can make a whole lot of difference. A piece you previously dismissed can suddenly become a lot more appealing when seen on an actual person.

Shop Displays

While we are on the subject of shops, I also happen to be a great admirer of a well thought out shop display. Years ago I made a giant lollipop after getting the idea from a sweet shop which had massive fake sweets displayed in their window. A good window display can entice you in. It is especially a good idea to look at ship displays in touristy places and also around certain holidays where you see a lot of effort put in to having a fancy display. I especially like walking around central London around Christmas time (provided it is not overly crowded!).

Nature

I don't have an example of my own to show here, but I wanted to add a final note about nature. I have had a couple of outfit ideas which I never got around to doing which were heavily inspired by nature. Just going for a walk can be very inspiring. You can get unusual colour combinations in nature which you wouldn't typically consider putting together. Nature also has a way of defying us humans sometimes. If left on its own, you will find all sorts of plants and trees growing wherever it can. It can take on unusual shapes. If you are going for a less polished look, maybe something forest inspired, where better to take inspiration from actual Mother Nature? Also, from owning birds I have learned a lot about their little quirks and movements. Seeing an animal move naturally up close has altered my opinions of a few animal themed lolita prints. It is interesting to see animals in movement rather than just standing around. 

So that list may give you all some clarity on how my mind ticks when I come up with my more crazy outfit ideas! I had a lot of fun doing the picture research for this post. It brought back a lot of memories. I suppose sometimes inspiration can come from just about anywhere. Next time an idea randomly pops in your head, write it down, no matter how crazy it seems. You never know, you may end up using it.