Thursday, 26 February 2015

Getting Back in to the Meet-up Groove

I love lolita fashion and usually I will look for any excuse to wear my frilly clothes. Going to meets is a fantastic way to see the friends I have made through this fashion and I am very lucky to live close by to several local communities. But despite this, I will sometimes be preparing for a lolita meet and I will wonder whether it is really worth all the effort. This is nothing personal against the people I meet with, it's just that sometimes the one thing I really crave is a lazy day, slobbing out on the sofa and not really doing anything. For me, going to meets requires getting up earlier than usual, spending a lot more time getting ready than I usually would and praying for some decent weather. To be fair, once I have made the effort, I do really enjoy myself at meets and I am glad I went. But if I haven't been to a meet in a while or if I am feeling depressed, it is really difficult to push past that reluctance to get myself ready in the morning. You know you are going to have fun, but you just have to push past all that preparation and feelings of doubt first!

How exactly do you make this easier? Is it just me being lazy, or is something deeper going on? I have been attempting to come up with ways to make sure I get through the preparation and make sure that I do attend meets.

First things first, I always make sure that I do any preparation I can before the day of the meet. Whenever I go to a meet I always lay my outfit out the night before, make sure my bag is packed with the stuff I need and get all the hard stuff out of the way. That way, on the morning of the meet, I know where everything is and I feel reassured that everything should be sorted. I find making lists is helpful too. There is something very satisfying about ticking items off a list!

I also come up with music playlists full of songs to get me in the mood to meet up. I play whatever songs I happen to like at the time. I have noticed I seem to go through weird phases where I really love listening to certain songs. They don't even have to be really cheerful songs, just songs that you know you love and really want to listen to. Strangely, one of my current favourites is Psycho Killer by Talking Heads (don't ask...). All I know is, that when I listen to music whilst putting my make-up on, I feel more geared up for facing the day.

I also like to treat myself at meets. When I am at home, I don't usually allow myself that many treats. I mostly drink water, eat fairly small meals and lead a pretty simple day-to-day life. I don't deny myself treats, but I also don't go overboard. As somebody who does unfortunately have social anxiety, I do see leaving the house and meeting up with people as a big deal. So yes, I will treat myself when I go out, because I come to associate leaving the house and making an effort to meet people with positive feelings. I know this may be hard for some people to understand, but for me, this is a really huge deal and I honestly feel like I have achieved something.

It is also important that if there are issues within the group, that you at least try to sort them out. If you have had some sort of disagreement with one of the guests, then you are less likely to want to attend the meet. It can feel very horrible when you can sense these negative vibes amongst your group. Sometimes arguments can't be resolved, but at the very least attempt to do try to fix things. At least then you can say you have tried. It is very rare that you will become best friends with everybody in your local community, but it is important to try and remain civil with those you don't get on as well with.

And finally, if you are not new to meets remember the clothes, the friendships and how much you have enjoyed past meets. Look through old photos, go through your wardrobe and just look at things, remember the happy times. I am always making up outfits with my wardrobes, even when I don't have any meets coming up, because I find it reminds me why I love this fashion so much. Creating new outfits is one of my favourite things about lolita, so that is what I focus on. Try to remember why you got in to lolita and why you still wear it today.

I have found myself in a bit of a lolita meet slump before and have found myself almost not going to meets, so I do understand how it feels. I do hope this post is helpful to somebody out there. If nothing else, I just want you to know that you are not alone.


  1. I'm not in the Lolita scene personally, but I've considered meetups for other fashion styles in the past. Unfortunately my city is too small for such a thing, nobody has taken the initiative to start a meetup group. I would have to be the person who organizes it and I find that idea off-putting. I'm not much of a leader, I'm lazy and I don't want to be responsible for making other people happy, and I know that I'd feel the pressure to achieve that with a meetup. On the flip side of this, I'd be reluctant to join a meetup only because I don't know what, if anything, I'd have in common with people outside of the clothes, and like you, I struggle a little with social anxiety.

    I have to commend those who take the time to organize such things, as I imagine it's mentally and emotionally exhausting. Maybe I'll get the guts to attend a meetup some day, who knows!

    1. I was quite fortunate that when my local community was starting, there was a group of enthusiastic girls who really wanted to host meets. I think my personal situation at the time was a big factor as well and I was more open to taking chances and just going with the flow. I am quite lucky because I made some really good friends in the group and I think that motivated me to want to see them more. I started hosting more of the meets.The strange thing is that despite my social anxiety, I have become the main host, moderator and driving force behind my local group! I have to take breaks sometimes though because it can get a bit too much.

      I can see why you would be reluctant, as I have met many lolitas where the clothes are the only thing we have in common. But luckily the good friends I have made have made that awkwardness a bit more bearable!


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