Thursday, 24 March 2016

Buyer's Guilt

I thought that things would be different now. When I first started out in lolita, I was not in a great place. I didn't have a job because of health reasons, a lot of my friends that used to live close by were suddenly spread all over the country after leaving university and my bank balance was still suffering after getting married and moving house. Everything seemed to be a massive drain on my limited income. Obviously things are a lot different for me now. I am self-employed and I have a lot more disposable income. I now have the funds to see my friends more often, but I have also made friends more locally, which means I am not forking out on expenses like travel as much. So overall, everything is pretty good now. I went from barely being able to afford Bodyline to being able to purchase brand almost whenever I wish, but at the same time I am able to have a life. So why is it that even now I still suffer from "Buyer's Guilt"?

I recently purchased IW's Astronomical Clock. I wouldn't say it was a dream dress of mine, but it is one I have always wanted to own. If I am being honest, I probably could have gotten a better price if I had just been a bit more patient. When it arrived, I was thrilled and I felt really excited about the outfits I could make with this dress. But there was also this sense of dread, and I notice I feel it with almost every large purchase I make, even now. Seeing a large chunk of money go out of my bank account for just one item always stings, even when I can afford it. And when a friend asked me how much I spent on it, I felt almost too embarrassed to say. I suppose I could say that I almost felt selfish for spending the money, especially when such a purchase would have been too irresponsible for me just a few years ago. 

But I keep trying to tell myself that I need to get over my Buyer's Guilt. I am not the same person I was a few years ago. I even try to justify my purchases now, in an attempt to feel a bit less guilty. Here is a list of stuff I try to ask myself-

1. Have I allowed for all of my monthly money outgoings such as bills, medication etc?
2. Am I still maintaining a good social life and seeing my friends, despite my purchases?
3. Have I allowed for any upcoming events, such as a friend's birthday or family occasion?
4. Have I left some money aside, in case of an emergency?
5. Did I get a good deal or did I just go for a higher priced listing for convenience?
6. Is it something I really wanted? Was it on my wishlist or something I just got on a whim?
7. Was the item as described and if it wasn't, did I attempt to get some of my money back?
8. Does the purchase fit my current wardrobe? Can I put outfits together with it using what I already have?
9. How did you feel about the item with it arrived?
10. Am I going to wear my new purchase often?
11. Could I get a decent price if I decided to re-sell it?

I know that deep down my new IW dress was worth it and I have been reasonably responsible. I will never be one of those lolitas who buys every bloodbath release and owns every dress in multiple colours, even if I could afford to. Once I get over the initial guilt, I find that I enjoy my wardrobe and I think that at the moment my wardrobe is a good size for how much I actually wear lolita. I have noticed that I am more picky about what goes on my wishlist too. I think a lot of this comes with time and the longer you are in to lolita, the more you get to know what you really like and want. The more I like something, the less I feel guilty about buying it. So expect to see me wearing my new dress with pride some time in the near future!


  1. I understand what you mean, although my buyer's guilt comes more from a combination of upbringing (I was brought up to respect the value of money and I wasn't really the type of kid to constantly ask for new toys etc.) and still not being used to having an income (only started working full-time in November). But it's as you say, the situation now isn't what it was some time ago, and as long as you can rest comfortably that you'll have enough for what you must get/pay and that you're getting something meaningful, then it's just a matter of learning to ignore/talk away the guilt. For me, when I know that got something meaningful, e.g. a dream dress or something that will go towards making my wardrobe more versatile, then the guilt tends to go away quickly - at the very worst it goes away once I physically have what I ordered and can marvel at it and play with it. :P

    1. I think my upbringing probably contributed too. My parents were very careful with money and I if my mum knew how much I was spending, I would be in for a massive lecture! I think once the initial impact of seeing the money leaving my account passes, it does get easier. Physically having the items in your hands definitely does help!

  2. I totally know what you mean too! I'm self employed too and one thing that doesn't help is that money could dry up or lessen at a moment's notice, so buying expensive items are that much more nervewracking. I also feel like I haven't 'earned' an expensive item, even though I work for my money and can afford it haha? Like you mention in your list, I always make sure I have enough money for emergencies or if work is slow but I still feel like I can't buy it! X'D

    1. I have the same problem with not knowing how much money I am going to get from month to month. It is so frustrating, but I think I am getting the hang of it now. I get what you mean about not feeling as though you have 'earned' expensive stuff. I was going to buy something the other day but the guilt kicked in, even though I had enough money. Then somebody else went and brought it. I guess I should be glad somebody made up my mind for me, but it is still annoying!


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