Being a Good Lolita Mentor?

As a blogger who loves to talk about lolita fashion, I have sort of become an unofficial mentor over the years. Away from my blog I receive a lot of emails and messages from new lolitas who are looking for help or advice. Despite not actively promoting myself as a mentor, it is a role I am happy to do when people ask me questions. It feels reassuring knowing that people find me approachable! And I will always try my best to respond.

I feel that being a lolita mentor comes with a bit of responsibility. I admit that I sometimes wonder if I really did give the best possible answer. With this is mind, I decided to make a post about how us more veteran lolitas can help newcomers. I guess in some ways a lot of this list could apply outside of the context of lolita fashion as well. So here are a few things I feel you should consider before becoming a mentor, official or otherwise.

Be approachable- As I already sort of mentioned, being approachable is important. We were all new once, so try and bear this in mind. Be patient and never be rude. I also feel that if you are a mentor in a more official role, such as the Big Sisters in the Lolita Fashion Mentoring group on Facebook, then you at least need to show some enthusiasm for your role. You signed up for this, so prove you do want to be there. Also, don't be sarcastic. Emotions and intent can be super difficult to read online, so you risk somebody taking sarcasm seriously.

Keep up to date with news and trends- In the time I have been a lolita, quite a lot has changed. I have seen OTT sweet get overtaken by OTT classic, prints evolve and general attitudes change. There are things which you may find were acceptable a few years ago which are not as commonplace now and vice versa. An example I can think of is that when I first started wearing lolita it was not as acceptable for your skirt to be any shorter than knee-length but as time has gone on- and since some brands have shortened the lengths of their skirts- I have found attitudes to be a bit more lenient. People don't seem to mind as much if a skirt is one or two inches above the knee now, as long as it isn't too much. Having an active role in a local community or online will give you insight in to how your fellow lolitas think.

If you are unsure about something just admit it- It is better to admit that you don't know the answer than to give bad advice. Maybe see if you can direct them to somebody who is more likely to be able to help.

Be a good role model- Lead by example. If you have well put-together outfits and good taste then your advice will have a bit more weight behind it. People are usually less likely to take advice from somebody who doesn't dress well, even if the advice is good.

Use positive reinforcement- If you think somebody is doing something good, then say so. A compliment can really boost somebody's confidence and they will be more likely to continue what they are doing.

Back up your suggestions with examples- If you have a good idea, see if you can find an outfit that demonstrates the point you are trying to make. Whenever I find a picture inspiring I try to save it, and when people ask me about stuff I can usually find a picture relevant to what I am saying. Having a visual example is really useful, especially if you are not good about putting your thoughts in to words. You could also link to other sources, such as blog posts or websites.

Leave personal tastes out of it- As individual lolitas, we all have our own personal likes and dislikes. I personally really dislike some things which are quite popular in lolita, but just because I don't like it, it doesn't necessarily mean it is a bad idea. It's just my personal opinion. Try to be impartial. To give an example, if you don't like like chiffon, it doesn't mean that chiffon is a bad choice. In fact, chiffon is used quite a lot in lolita and lots of lolitas love it. So you shouldn't tell somebody to avoid chiffon, just because you don't like it.

Be mindful of people's feelings- Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to convince them otherwise, people have their hearts set on a certain idea. Tread very carefully with any criticism. Is there any way to compromise? Perhaps an idea may seem salvageable with a few suggestions for adjustments.

As a final point, I think it is worth mentioning that no matter how good a mentor you are, you may find that some people simply can't handle taking criticism or advice (even when they have specifically asked for it). I think the only thing I can suggest here is to rise above any immature behaviour and try to avoid the temptation to respond equally immaturely. As a mentor, you are probably going to come across some negativity eventually. Make sure you are prepared to handle it. I hope this post was helpful. If you are in need of some advice, do look up the Lolita Fashion Mentoring group on Facebook or ask a lolita who you feel you can trust. There are people out there who are more than happy to help!

Model Application Advice

I had a reader send in a request, asking for a post about applying to be a lolita model at events. I am very fortunate to have been selected by both Haenuli and Metamorphose to model at the Tea Party Club events in the past but to be honest, I am not really sure how much advice I can offer. To really understand why I was picked on those occasions I would have to ask the designers themselves. I think there are a lot of attractive lolitas out there so perhaps the way I submitted my form did have an influence. I can't say for certain. I had a fun time modelling. Would I do it again? Possibly, if I got the chance to model for one of my favourite brands again. I have to admit, I felt I missed out on a lot of the Revelry event because I was backstage quite a bit. But I don't regret modelling at all. 

Even though I can't say for sure that my application form influenced me getting picked, I did put a lot of time and effort in to it. In the past I have been a bit lazy with my forms and as a result, I haven't been picked for things. So here I will go in to detail about what I did with my form and if it works for you, then that is great. But be aware that even if you do follow every bit of advice out there, you may still not get picked. If this is something you feel passionate about, then just keep going. My general attitude is that if I don't submit a form then my chances of getting picked are instantly zero. You never know what is going to happen.

Firstly, if you can, you should try to wear the clothing of the brand you are aiming to get picked by. At the very least, you should try to make sure your outfit is in the style of your chosen brand. With Meta, all of the people who got selected had worn Metamorphose in their applications. I am not suggesting that the people got selected just because they owned items from Meta, but it doesn't hurt to show a little bit of brand loyalty. Also, because some of my favourite dresses are by Metamorphose, I felt quite confident in the outfit I wore and I feel this showed in my application. Show your passion for lolita fashion and the clothing and it will show you in a more positive light.

You should consider the time of year this event is being held. Depending on how many models are picked, the brands will often want to showcase dresses that are coming out a few months after the event. If the event is being held in the Spring, then the brands may be wanting to show off their Summer lines. So there is not much point wearing a heavy Winter themed outfit in your application. Also, certain brands re-release the same series every year. For example, Angelic Pretty usually does a Royal Chocolate series every year and Meta puts out a Summery sailor series and a kimono print in the Winter. 

When choosing a pose for your application photos, try to think about the outfit you are wearing and how you can show it off to its best potential. For example, if you are wearing a wide princess sleeved blouse, make sure your arms are not by your sides. Show those sleeves off! This is important because the brands will want to see that you can show off their clothing as best as you possibly can. I don't mean to sound harsh, but during fashion shows the focus should be on the clothing and not you. You are just there to help sell their clothing.

It is also worth choosing your a time and location for your application photos carefully. Don't go for a location which has lots of distracting features, such as plants, because it takes away attention from you. You should also be careful to pick a time where the sunlight is not too harsh. Squinting in the harsh light does not look attractive! And whilst on the subject of distractions, try not to go too overboard with the make up. The brands will want to be able to see your face, no matter how cute your new eye shadow and stick on gems look! It may also be worth putting down the props, such as sceptres. On stage you might not be allowed to use props, so you need to be confident with your posing.

When you are taking your photos, it is also worth taking your time to make sure you get shots you are happy with. If you settle for a photograph that you don't think is that good, then it will show. If you don't think the photograph looks that good then the brands will probably think the same. Make sure you are 100% happy that the photo doesn't look blurry. Try a few different poses, as sometimes poses can seem like a good idea, but when you see the photographs afterwards they don't look as good. It can get a little bit frustrating standing there for a while and having to go through loads of photographs afterwards, but it is worth it if you can get a shot you are happy with.

Finally, never EVER lie on your form about your measurements and do not photoshop your photographs. This may sound really obvious, but I once knew somebody who lied about their measurements and then on the day had an embarrassing moment when they realised the clothing didn't fit them properly. The clothing was too tight for them and unfortunately, it showed. Is it really worth having an embarrassing situation like this happen to you?

Well, I hope this post was helpful to the reader who requested it and also for those who are curious about being a model at these big events. I can't guarantee it will help but you never know, a bit of extra time and effort might make a difference. I feel I should point out that you should only apply to model if you are 100% confident that you can get up on stage and pose as instructed. Remember to enjoy yourselves.