Dear Luna,
You are about to embark on what is going to be one of the most colourful periods of your life. It is going to take you in directions which you didn't think were possible, but believe me, you are in for a wild ride! At the moment everything is still so new an exciting. Remember how you recently picked up that English Gothic and Lolita Bible? It was like the floodgates had opened. You have a way to express yourself again. I know that for a while you have been feeling a bit 'lost' and jaded. Getting married has seen you settle down a bit, but now you are wondering what to do next. Wearing lolita is going to make you feel as though you have discovered a hidden part of yourself.
You are going to want to scream from the rooftops and show the world 'the true you' but now is not the time to be reckless. You are out of work right now (you wont be for long, but you still need to be sensible) and years of letting your anxiety fester without much in the way of medical help are at times going to make you feel overwhelmed. So now is not the time to go crazy and just let your excitement run away with you. Yes, it is great that you have discovered that GLP shop in London. But take your time to think about the whole picture. There is more to a lolita outfit than the dress, that Ebay tutu is NOT a suitable petticoat replacement and there is more to 'kawaii' accessories than simply raiding Claire's Accessories. Look at the quality of the items. Don't buy accessories just because they are cute without thinking about whether they actually match anything you own. Wear bloomers. Lolita is more than just buying cute dresses- it is a whole aesthetic. It is okay to take the time to learn more about the fashion. Don't worry if you don't own too many pieces at first. Just work on trying to make the best of what you have. Lolita may not just be about the big brand names, but it also isn't about buying all the cheapest Bodyline in the sale just for the sake of having a new dress. So what if you wear the same outfit more than once? Please take the time to think about what you really love. Is there a certain colour or motif perhaps? Don't go rushing in.
Next year you are going to start writing a blog about lolita fashion. It is not going to be easy and it maybe isn't the casual side project that you think it is going to be! There are a lot of other lolitas out there who are just like you and others who are going to completely disagree with you. And I think that is an important thing to bear in mind. You are not going to be friends with everybody, just because you happen to like the same clothing. Some relationships are never going to go beyond the 'Oh, I like your head bow' stage. Also be aware that not everybody you let get close to you has good intentions. As immature and pointless as it may seem, sometimes drama has this nasty habit of creeping up on you, no matter how much you may try to avoid it. Try not to be disheartened. There is drama in practically every hobby. You know those train spotters you see sometimes on the way to the train station? Chances are, they probably get in to bitchy gossip themselves. Sure, it may not be over the same stuff, but I think you get the idea! The important thing is to not let these people drag you down. Don't post bitchy comments on anonymous gossip boards, don't spread rumours and don't let these people drag you down to their level. Look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you are better than that. You know why? Because you are.
Soon you are going to find yourself going from being a convention lolita to a member of a local lolita community. That is going to present a lot of rewards, but also a lot of challenges. But if you start to feel disheartened, I want you to think about how you were before. You were an anti-social self-pitying loner. Now look at you! You may still be socially awkward, but you are going to go so far. You are not only going out and meeting new people, but you are also hosting meets and contributing something to a community. Could you picture yourself doing stuff like this just a few years ago? You are achieving so much. Celebrate those achievements! One day you are even going to find yourself getting up on stage and modelling for both indie brands and one of your favourite Japanese brands. Crazy right? But you are going to do it! Future You is very proud of what you are going to achieve. Your blog is also going to mean that people want to come up to you and talk to you. They may be a reader or perhaps they will have heard about you through the grapevine. This is an opportunity to practice your social skills. You may not always get it right, but don't be too hard on yourself. These things take time and effort to improve. Those who stick around probably believe that you are a good person. So believe in yourself.
Believe it or not, but the things you love are going to change a huge deal! You know all those cutesy sweet prints that you love to pieces? One day you may find yourself shying away from them. This is okay. Tastes change. Right now I am in love with a more mature sweet look and also wear classic lolita a fair bit. But for now I want you to embrace your sweet loving self. If it makes you happy, then wear it. Don't worry about what other people think. You are going to hear a lot of people tell you that you look amazing in classic, but think about what you want. Although you are one day going to embrace classic lolita, for now it doesn't appeal to you. You should enjoy your hobbies. You may get a lot of odd looks when you wear sweet, but eventually you will learn to ignore those odd looks a lot more. It takes a lot of courage to wear lolita. Every time you go out all dolled up I want you to think about how you have been brave enough to be true to yourself. You don't need to hide your lolita away from the world. You are very fortunate to live in an alright neighbourhood. Actually, your neighbours are going to remark about how fun and pretty your outfits are quite a bit! Their reactions could have been a whole lot more negative. You are very lucky and fortunate.
But that doesn't mean that you are not going to come across the odd idiot. Drunks are going to try and chat you up, you will be laughed at and people will invade your personal space to try and sneakily take photos of you. Please try not to focus on these negative moments. In comparison to all the positive experiences you feel, these negative experiences are a lot less frequent. And most of these people are barely worth thinking about. That stranger you passed on the street is somebody who you will probably never see ever again. Why do you care so much about what they think? Also, do not make assumptions. Somebody may appear grumpy or rude, but it may not be anything to do with you. Perhaps they are having a bad day. Don't focus on the small petty things which do not matter.
What else can I tell you about the future... Well, the shopaholic in you is going to be thrilled to know that in the future you are going to have a lot of brand dresses! In fact, you are going to think that you have too many of them (I know, right!? The idea of having too much lolita just seems crazy to you right now!). You are going to learn a lot about society and human interaction. Keep pushing yourself to achieve more. Your social life and mental health will thank you for it one day. Always remember that lolita is not a competition and always wear the clothing for you, not anybody else. You have a long way to go Luna, but I want you to know that I am so proud of what you are going to achieve. Don't let anybody else belittle those achievements.
Take care of yourself,
Luna in 2017
P.S- Sax blue is really not your colour. Stop trying to make it happen.
That is a beautiful letter. But as I read it, I couldn't help but wonder: if your 2009 Lolita self really heard all this fantastic advice, do you think that she'd listen or ignore it? One Lolita in my comm recently had a chance to have a talk with her 13 year old "self" (she works in a school and the pupil who was referred to her resembled herself at her age so much that it felt like it). Sometimes the advice we want to give ourselves does come our way, just through someone else instead of our actual future self like in some sci-fi film, so it takes a lot of skills and reflection to realise that it's the advice we should be following now as we'd be grateful for it in the future. I hope I didn't confuse all that explaining. :P
ReplyDeleteHonestly? 2009 me would probably listen, but whether she would actually do anything about it... I doubt it! Don't worry, your point did make sense! I am in the middle of having CBT at the moment and there have been a few moments where it has suddenly dawned on me that I need to take more notice of the positives in my life and focus more on the present. Even though sometimes it feels as though my therapist is stating the obvious, I guess sometimes I just need to hear it. The 2009 me would probably not be ready or in the right frame of mind to act on my advice. But it would still be cool to go back and give myself a hug and tell her everything will be okay!
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