Hooray for freebies!
One of the recurring pages that piqued my interest was a page they do called "Hey, It's Okay..." where people suggest things that are okay, but with the pressures of everyday life we put all these silly little 'rules' in place or don't feel certain things are acceptable because we don't feel it fits in with the 'norm'. Even though looking at this page you would think it was perfectly obvious that these things listed are acceptable, sometimes you really do need to hear it from another person. I guess it makes you feel a bit more validated that there are others out there who think along the same lines as you do. It is very easy to get weighed down by this idea that we are supposed to be a certain way and if you don't fit that sometimes unrealistic mold, it means that you are somehow abnormal. Maybe we need to accept our unique quirks a bit more.
But spending a bit of time away from lolita fashion made me realise that us lolitas are just as vulnerable to this idea that we have to act and behave in a certain way. How many times have we heard that all lolitas are "meant to be lovely" or read a piece of gossip online, which then formed an idea in our minds that you shouldn't do certain things? I accept that most lolitas maybe have this idea of what the 'ideal' lolita should be, but what if you don't live up to that so-called ideal? Maybe lolitas need their own version of "Hey, It's Okay..." and with this in mind I decided to start my own list. It could be that when you are reading this list, you completely agree or disagree with my opinions. But I want to put this idea out there that we don't need to put pressure on ourselves and just generally be a bit more kind to ourselves. So here is the list that I have started. These are just a few suggestions to get the ball rolling.
Hey, it's okay...
- To have a wardrobe dominated with non-brand pieces
- To take time building up your wardrobe
- To not be sure which sub-style you want to wear, or to change or mind
- To have other hobbies and interests outside of lolita, even if they appear to contradict your idea of the perfect 'lolita lifestyle'
- To act silly, pull funny faces and generally have a bit of a laugh, even if it doesn't seem that lady-like
- To wear lolita, even if you don't identify as female
- To take a bit of a break from lolita fashion. It will still be there when you are ready to come back
- To wear a wig if you are feeling too lazy to style your hair
- To leave a lolita meet early, especially if you are feeling unwell or uncomfortable
- To use your lolita clothing with your everyday style or other J-fashions
- To wear the same outfit twice
- To wear a full brand set
- To experiment a little and explore your individual style, even if it means you end up getting posted on 4chan
- If your outfit doesn't get that many 'likes' or 'notes'
- If you don't want to share your outfits with the online community
- To be a lone lolita
- To only wear lolita a few times a year, or wear it pretty much all of the time
- To start taking off your accessories and stuff on the journey home, because sometimes lolita is not the most comfortable of fashions to wear (Is there anything better than that feeling of getting home, taking everything off and putting on some comfy nightwear?)
- To not have a fringe/bangs, especially if they don't suit your face shape anyway
- To use buying lolita as a treat, so you have an incentive to do something, such as a task
- To only buy second-hand lolita
- To dislike that popular print that everybody else seems to be going crazy over
- To mainly stick to casual looks, or OTT
- To ask a photographer to take another picture of you if you are unhappy (don't push your luck though)
- To say no if people ask you for photos on the street
- To speak up if you are not happy with the quality of your clothing and give honest reviews
This is only just a small list of suggestions that I have come up with. Do feel free to leave your own ideas in the comments. I really do hope my list has made somebody out there feel a little bit better about themselves. You are definitely not alone. Lolita is something which is meant to be enjoyed. Don't be afraid to have a bit of fun with it.
I think for myself I'd have to add one that says "Hey, it's ok to like and wear pink things". In my trying to be different, but also as a bit of response to societal pressure to be taken seriously (which women often aren't), I developed this aversion to pink, both in ad outside of Lolita, and wouldn't get pink things on principle, even if I liked them. I'm slowly getting past that, but it'll be a marathon and not a sprint, but old habits really die hard.
ReplyDeleteNow that you mention it, I think I developed a bit of an aversion to pink myself. When I was in school, it was generally seen as a bit 'uncool' to like pink. I guess as a young girl the colour pink kept getting forced upon me and as I was a bit of a tomboy anyway, I naturally wanted to rebel against those forced gender stereotypes. But as time has gone on, I have come to realise that actually, pink is a really pretty colour and if I want to wear pink, I will wear it. I still don't go too overboard with the pink, and I am still not overly keen on bright pinks, but a few of my dresses are pink. I admit I do still worry about not being taken seriously if I like pink things, but my opinion of pink has fortunately mellowed a bit!
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