Some things I have learnt about myself

I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I have changed since I first got into lolita. I think it is important to sit down every now and then to think about where you are with the fashion and where you would like to be in the future. In a short space of time I have changed a lot. The more I discover about myself, the more I think about my hopes and dreams. And so, I decided to write them down and maybe in another few years I can look back at this entry and maybe I will have achieved some of my goals.

- I don't want to abandon sweet lolita, but I would like to try other styles more and maybe move away from the sweet. At the moment sweet lolita is my main lolita style of choice. My wardrobe is sugary sweet and cute. But as I am 22, I sometimes feel a little silly wearing sweet. Sweet does not need to be over the top but with brands like Angelic Pretty leading the sweet crowd, I am starting to feel a little alienated. Angelic Pretty have not always put out these sugary overdoses. If you look at old AP stuff it is a lot more calmer and that is the sort of sweet style I like. I miss those sort of sweet dresses. I admit I do like some of the cutesy sweet stuff but I want to keep my purchases of these to a minimum for now on. Unless I really like one, in which case I may consider it XD

- I want to extend my classic lolita pieces. I am finding myself craving Innocent World and Victorian Maiden. Even some Metamorphose pieces have been good. Since wearing my Old Emblem Meta skirt at the weekend, I have been receiving loads of complements. I didn't realise it was such a popular print! Classic lolita makes me feel good inside. However, I am also starting to get drawn in by the gothic pieces. Since meeting some gothic lolitas, I realise that gothic lolita does not need to mean a totally black wardrobe. Eastern gothic is so different from western gothic style. I find church and gate prints very appealing, especially in dusky purple hues. I don't mind wearing black but I like experimenting with colour too.

- I do not want to become "E-Famous" or a "Lolita celebrity". I just really want to meet new people and make friends with people who understand my passion for lolita, people who share my interests and that I will look forward to meeting. Yes, I would love this blog to become a success but there is a lot more pressure when you become well-known. I imagine all these well-known lolitas have more pressure to look perfect because other lolitas have become used to seeing you looking a certain way. You are almost expected to look perfect. But these girls are only human and lolita is a fashion. We should all have the freedom to experiment and that could result in making some bad choices. But as long as you learn from your mistakes, then I think mistakes can be a good thing. Personally, I think I looked like a proper ita (cosplay-lolita) at the start but hopefully I have improved since then.

- I now know that I have the potential to make lots of friends. I am getting better at approaching people and talking to them. This is a big deal for me because I suffer from anxiety and depression. I used to have these really bad panic attacks and I am not completely panic-attack free now. When I make new friends and go out I feel like I am laughing at my anxiety. Being able to do things so freely is a huge boost to me.

- Tania Tanzil is my new style crush. Since seeing her at Hyper Japan, I have been in total awe of her. I took a notepad with me because I planned to make notes about what was happening to post on here. Instead I ended up writing loads of notes about what Tania was wearing and how she was wearing it. My notepad turned into a total Tania love-in! I already liked Misako Aoki and I made some notes on her too :) I was a bit too shy to talk to her but I am now friends with her on livejournal. So maybe I will get the chance to meet her and talk to her properly. Yay!

- I used to ignore Black Peace Now but since seeing their clothes I have changed my mind. I really like some of their stuff, especially the capes!

- I am finding buying brand second-hand a lot easier. Wearing brand felt like an impossible dream when I started but I now know that second-hand lolita sales do exist. My main places to shop are EGL Sales community on livejournal and Closet Child. I have absolutely no issue with Bodyline and I will still buy from them but I now have the option to buy brand and I will be doing more research on my options.

- Speaking of Bodyline, I think their quality may have improved slightly recently. I really like some of their new items. Plus, I can always check out reviews online if I am unsure about buying something

- I have gotten stuck in a hair and make-up rut and I want to extend my styles further. It is hard to style hair when it is so thick and heavy but I am still going to give it a go. I also vow to spend more afternoons messing around with my make-up. Nobody else is going to see me so I can be as risky as I like and then post of the good ones online.

- In my opinion, the best tea parties are the ones where there is a good variety of food choices. I love cupcakes but I can only eat so many. Sugar upsets my stomach and I had to be tested for diabetes (negative result, thank goodness). Please try and cater for more tastes please! I want to hold my own tea party but I will probably wait until after Winter. I am looking at online guides to find out how to hold a successful party. There will be sweet stuff. One idea I had was to give everybody a personalised cupcake!

- I need to be more organised when I wear lolita. No matter how much time I leave, I always end up running late and I end up looking like a scruffy mess. Towards the end of the day I look a total wreck!

- I need to get back into my scrap-booking. I have a secret lolita scrapbook which is full of items I have cut out but recently I have abandoned it. Spending an afternoon scrap-booking is therapeutic.

- I intend to make a lolita shopping plan. I will find the gaps in my wardrobe so I can fill them before I buy any more new stuff. Lolita is expensive to learning how to shop smartly is key. Who knows... if I am successful I may even write a shopping guide entry on here.

So those are some of the thoughts I have been pondering. Sometimes it feels good to just write about how you are feeling.